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Home » Raising Kids » Avoiding “Ugly” Words With Our Children: Should We Or Shouldn’t We?

05/12/2017 5 Comments

Avoiding “Ugly” Words With Our Children: Should We Or Shouldn’t We?

I call them “not nice” words, but you may call them “bad” words, “ugly” words, “gross” words or “negative” words. Alternatively, you may not call them anything because you may be a parent who does not filter language for and around your children.

What words do I consider “not nice” words? Well, some include, “ugly,” “fat,” “gun,” “shoot,” and “kill”. I can distinctly recall reading Dr. Seuss’ “A Fly Went By” to my oldest when she was about three years old and changing the words in the book when the page discussed the hunter man with the gun who shot to kill after hearing a frightening noise.

Still, with children ages, 5 1/2, 3 and 1 1/2, I regularly dilute my language. In our family, we use alternative words for private parts, we say “gosh” instead of “God” and we try to never use words like “stupid” or “weird”.

So, why is it that I avoid words that aren’t even considered “swear words”? In total truth, I know that kids like to parrot and mimic their parents. I don’t want my children walking around saying “gun,” “kill,” “stupid,” and “ugly”. When I see kids using words like that, I am disheartened by that behavior. But, you know what? I am not alone in this. Apparently, other people are bothered by the words in “A Fly Went By,” as there are customer reviews to potential buyers which warn of the language in the book.

Now, of course there are times when my husband and I break our unstated rule to not use those not nice words in front of our children. And, on the occasions that we do, we, unfortunately, usually use worse ones. Something about bad drivers and uncommon-sensical people brings out the swear words for myself and my husband, which are even harsher words than the ones we typical avoid. Hypocritical, right? Are we just doing all wrong?

In the end, our children are going to hear not nice words when they are not at home. New words amongst kids spread like a cold from child to child, so there is just no way of our child not being exposed to those “bad” and real-world words, sooner or later.

Maybe, instead of avoiding the words that I don’t want my child to use, I teach them the word. Seems counterproductive, but maybe not? Perhaps teaching them some of these words in an organized and structured fashion and devoting time to discussing what the word’s definition is important. Maybe children understanding what the word’s different meanings are, how, what and when people use that word, why he/she shouldn’t use the word and whether or not their use of the word is ever appropriate is also imperative. When children use certain language, they may not understand what their words literally mean. It is required of us as parents to educate them on this.

So, here is what I am going to do and maybe you should to. I’m going to stop filtering words that are not swear words. I am going say the word and I am going to help them understand the word. I will share with them why Mommy and Daddy don’t like the word and when it is appropriate/inappropriate to use. I am also going to aim to avoid swear words. If and when I flub up, which is inevitable, and they repeat my swear word, I am going to either ignore it or discuss it head-on, depending upon how often they have used the word and in what context.

What I believe is of utmost importance and will make the most difference in my children’s use of the English language, is whether or not I model and teach them manners and respect for themselves and for others, as that will ultimately influence how they use the words that they know and hear.

 

 

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Filed Under: Raising Kids

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. A.J. Sefton says

    05/12/2017 at 10:22 am

    This is a really good post. I was a teacher and therefore was very careful with my language. I taught older children but always pulled them up if the said God in an inappropriate context, fat, ugly, retard and so on. Not so much guns (in UK so not quite the same I think). With my own daughter I was the same. I said the words were ‘not polite’ and in school I was often told that they were ok because they were not swear words, but I wouldn’t allow non-polite words in my classroom.

    My daughter is now 18 and my language isn’t quite so rigid, although I do not swear. She does not use anything ‘impolite’ around me because she says that it would be disrespectful. I still have the rule of ‘not in my room’ for impolite words.

    I think I’m doing OK and my daughter is lovely and well-balanced.

    Reply
    • jthreenmeblog says

      05/20/2017 at 5:56 am

      Thank you so much for the kind words. It is so awesome to hear from those that are in a profession that works with children to be somewhat in agreement with my take on things. Feels like maybe I am getting things right, then. I totally think that “not in my room” can/could be translated to “not in this family” when trying to explain to children that just because other children use those words, does not mean that we do. I am sure that you have done more thank OK! 🙂 Thanks again for your comment!

      Reply
  2. shopgirlanonymous says

    05/12/2017 at 12:30 pm

    This is a tough one, and I like your theory. My children are naturally exposed to these words, I as was, through television, movies, and their friends and I just take them on one word at a time. Just like my mom did.

    I was raised in the house where butt and stupid were bad words and the f-word was something I didn’t even know existed until I was in fourth grade. Now my husband has the mouth of a sailor and that is a battle I have long since lost, but for the most part I try to keep my children using what we call “gentle words”. My step son though is told to use the word butt over bottom and his mom has told me that is the proper way to say it so she will not work with me on teaching him otherwise. So mom is right, and my house just has special rules for little girls is all I can say I guess. I have written about this in more detail on one my parenting blog.

    Reply
    • jthreenmeblog says

      05/12/2017 at 1:01 pm

      Thank you for the comment! I totally agree this topic is a tough one. Thanks for liking my theory. They are definitely lots of opinions on this topic even amongst my family and close friends, but all I plan to do is what makes me comfortable and what I think is the best and most appropriate way to teach my three kids how to be positive, happy, respectful human beings. Thanks again so much for the comment and for sharing your experiences! 🙂

      Reply
      • shopgirlanonymous says

        05/12/2017 at 1:03 pm

        My “mom blog”
        https://stepparentsanctuary.wordpress.com/

        Reply

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