Are you ready for some football? Lord knows that Al Michaels surely is, and so is his buddy, Chris Collinsworth. I would venture to guess that your husband probably is too. Heck, he is probably planning on watching it all day on today.
Maybe you are the wife that equally loves football too, and right there next to your hubby (in matching jerseys of course); and if that’s the case that’s wonderful. Myself, not so much — and so I would love for you to sit me down and teach me a few things about the game — but since I’m a mom of three littles, I probably can’t find the time.
Yeah, my husband cringes each and every time I say “I don’t have time”, but 90% of the time I literally mean it. When it comes to having the chance to learn a little bit more about the game of football, I’d honestly rather spend that 10% of my time doing laundry or the dishes, and believe me that tells you something. What does it tell you? That my love for the game of football…wait…wait…what…oh yeah, there isn’t any. And, if football were to do anything for me, all it would do is piss me the heck off because it’s gonna steal my darn husband for the next ten hours.
Yes, for 17+ weeks I have to share my husband with you, football — you little home wrecker. And for those 17+ weeks, I have to listen to him absolutely obsess over you and your “performance”. It’s like he is enthralled with you in a completely and utterly juvenile way. He will talk openly in front of me about all of the reasons why he loves you. It’s sick, truly. I mean think about it — a husband going on and on (and on) in front of his wife about what lights him up, what he looks forward to, and why Sunday is his favorite day of the week.
Ugh! I’m on the brink of throwing up just thinking about it. But, sadly, this is my reality and if I don’t plan on leaving him for this, then I have to come up with a way to tolerate it. So, here’s what I’m going to do.
- Accept what I cannot change. Ultimately, I know that my whines have no effect on him. My voiced disapproval for this relationship, it does not phase him. I must simply resign myself to the fact that if I love this man, then I have to accept his crush on football as well.
- Change what I can. Yes, that means me. The only person I can change is myself, and so I am going to attempt, at minimum, to find myself a pretty pink jersey to wear, and at least openly express my fondness for Mr. Brady’s fine physique.
- Join in. The saying goes, “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em”, right? It’s time to spice up our relationship a little bit and let little Miss. Football join our party.
- Learn how to cook the best damn chicken wings. The key to a man’s heart is and always has been, his stomach. There is nothing that my husband enjoys more than some sloppy chicken wings on a Sunday evening, and if I want to get a little more attention during football season I have to make myself a little bit more appealing.
- Be his buddy. Join in the excitement and share in the frustration with each and every play. He will feel such a sense of camaraderie, that he will enjoy your presence that much more.
I guess I’m ready for some freakin’ football now…at least the Tom Brady in tight pants part.
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