Have you seen my energy? I can't find it.

Energy?

Where are you?

I can’t find you.

I was really hoping to use these non-kid-directed four hours to be productive, but you are nowhere to be found.

Where have you run off to?

You are not supposed to just up and leave whenever you feel like it. I need you around all of the time, and as much as your presence is required when I’m with my kiddos, I also need you around when they are not.

Why?

Because that’s when I’m supposed to be tackling all the rest of life’s tasks; though always less of a priority than my children, they are my other responsibilities, and there are SO. FREAKIN’. MANY. OF. THEM.

Seriously, Energy, please come back.

I need you now.

I need to fold the laundry that has been sitting in the dryer since Monday, and I need to start washing the overflowing piles of dirty clothes in all of the hampers.

I need to write. I need to write a lot. I need to write so that I can get paid. I need to write so that my blog can function. I need to write for therapy. I need to write because people are counting on my words for motivation, support, inspiration, or entertainment.

I need to pay bills so that I know how we are doing with our budget even though I’m positive I’m overspending like usual.

I need to clean the house which has taken on a whole new level of mess and clutter.

I need to walk and play with our dogs who for some reason still shower me with unconditional love despite the fact they have practically been ignored since the birth of my first daughter in 2011.

I need to prep dinner and tomorrow lunches, but that would require me to unload the dishwasher and reload it with the dishes from the sink so that I have the space and cooking tools to meal plan.

I need to respond to birthday party invites which requires me to consult my calendar and more importantly my husband, who may or may not appreciate the mid-day disruption to question him about our future weekend plans.

I need to mark the rest of the free squares on my calendar with school volunteer opportunities, dance competitions, dentist appointments, and this list goes on.

I need to make myself reminders for upcoming teacher and extended family member birthdays.

I need to make sure I actually write down, and mental notate stuff like teacher appreciation week and doctor and nurse’s week so that I make sure my children and I give proper thanks and appreciation to those who regularly support and care for us.

I need to do so much SHIITAKE, but I cannot do any of it without you, Energy! Where the heck are you?

As frustrated as I am at your disappearance and your cowardly choice to hide from me, I kind of get it.

I somewhat understand why you have left me.

With your presence around me all of the time, I never make time for me, for quiet introspection.

When you are around, I operate in “just get it done” mode; a way of being that drives my loved ones, and myself, crazy.

I get it now. You care about me, and you want me to survive (even thrive) in this season of life and you know that such is only possible if you give me a little space.

While I don’t very much enjoy being without you, I recognize that these periodic small breaks are essential to me living a balanced life and I’m simply grateful you love me enough to leave me sometimes.

I’ll see you when you come back.