I killed my daughter’s fish. Ugh.
No, like really…a big “UGH”!!
Like my husband said to me, I’m surprised I didn’t kill it sooner.
I’ll be honest with you, keeping kids and dogs alive — I’ve got that down. I can do that sh*t with my eyes closed and hands tied behind my back (although I probably shouldn’t). But fish and plants, even when I try to tend to them properly…scratch that — I never actually follow guidelines for caring for them. AND THEREIN LIES THE PROBLEM.
So how did the fish die? In truth, it was probably a compilation of things including not cleaning the tank often enough and then when I did go to clean it, I believe the water was too cold for the poor little guy. Gosh, I’m a bad person! Why? Well, because I knew that the water was cold when I put him in it, but I had just done the same thing to his friend (yes, my son has a fish too), and his friend seemed to remain lively (enough at least) that I assumed I could get away with cold water a second time.
Cue the fish activists who are going to come out in droves to crucify me for not being more careful with life’s creatures. To those of you who want to rip me a new one right now, let me say that I understand where you are coming from and I in no way, shape, or form believe that little Mr. Fish’s life is less important than mine. I just made a careless mistake, which cost him his life and for that I will honestly feel bad forever (okay, not forever, but for a while). Actually, I am close to being over it already.
Since I am an optimist and I like to find the positive or humor in every situation — even the tough ones — I am going to do that here as well.
So why is this even something worth writing about? I will tell you. Because I learned a few things about myself and both my son and my daughter from this unfortunate passing.
When the fish went belly-up, literally, I felt so uncomfortable looking in his direction. I had to walk away and I called my husband in to confirm that Mr. Blue Fish had passed away. My husband and my son then gave him a spontaneous funeral, sang to him, and flushed him. Don’t criticize the decision to flush him, ok? It wasn’t even me that made the decision.
The guilt over the actual death of the fish went away quickly (which I’m nervous to admit), but then I got a really anxious, butterfly-like feeling in the pit of my stomach. What was getting to me now? Well, the fact that my daughter was still at school during this happening and that I would have to break the news to her. I envisioned her crying, possibly yelling, but 100% absolutely being upset with me.
Thank goodness, my daughter ended up handling the news like a champ. It’s not that she lacks compassion or wasn’t upset at all. The fact is that we have raised her to know and understand that things (plants), animals (pets of all kinds) and yes, people, all die.
Ugh. Yes, I’m “ugh-ing” again. I HATE the word “die”. And, I also hate the word “hate,” so if I am using it here, you must get the point that I do not like to talk about death of any kind. Yet, I know that it is an unfortunate reality and because of this, I have educated my children to have a general age-appropriate understanding of it. Because of this, I do believe my daughter was better able to handle the spontaneous passing of her fish.
Here’s what I learned about my children and myself from this incident.
- I suck at caring for fish. Seriously, why in the world I thought buying the kids fish was a good idea is beyond me. Why I for one millisecond thought I could handle caring for not just one more thing, but two, was a ridiculous assumption on my part.
- Fish do not teach kids responsibility. Or maybe it is me that doesn’t teach responsibility, but I more than the children had to care for that darn fish and I was not lacking in the responsibility department, so the new additions were really not needed.
- Everything dies. Such a sad, but true reality that both I and my kiddos need to come to terms with.
- I need to slow down. Had I slowed my pace (like ever) I would have noticed sooner the need for a tank cleaning and I wouldn’t have rushed to put my daughter’s fish into too cold of water.
- I need to have realistic expectations for things. For the amount of age-appropriate care my children would actually be able to provide for a pet, and for my time (or lack thereof) I have to properly nurture people/tasks/things in my life.
- I need to stop putting undue stress on myself. While it is only natural to be nervous regarding your child’s response to an unforeseen situation, you, the adult, freaking out and practically making yourself sick with worry of their reaction does nothing to help them or yourself handle the situation any better.
- My children understand life and loss better than I thought. Not only do they understand it, they are pretty strong and resilient in how they deal with it.
I’m sure you can guess the most important lesson that I learned —> No more fish in this house.
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I admire that you put yourself out there in your blog.
Thanks, Keith! It can be nerve-racking, but also liberating!
Today I accidentally killed my little sister’s fish and I have found great comfort in your blog, so thank you for sharing! My 8 year old sister was given a betta fish from her friend which lived in the worst conditions (small tank, dirty water, fungal infection – you name it). After my sister lost interest, I offered to take it and gave that fish a serious upgrade. A nice big tank complete with filters and live plants, water treatments and anti-fungal drops. I even followed every rule under the sun about helping it adjust to a new tank. Today, my little sister came to visit and that is the moment this fish decided to kick the bucket. I have been feeling sick to my stomach and guilt ridden about being the cause of her upset, hence the scrolling through other’s experiences about fish mishaps. Thanks for brightening my spirits.
Oh dear…I chuckled at this. No, not because Mr Fish died – I have nothing against fish and but I love the fact you turned this into a learning experience. Thanks for this. Jill
Thank you, Jill for reading, enjoying and commenting! Much appreciated.
Very funny! Contrary to popular opinion no the fish’s life isn’t more important than yours but handling your daughter’s feelings is. You did a good job and I’m glad she is handling it well. My son had a lizard whom he loved and he made it a year before he passed. I tried my best but lizard keeping isn’t easy either.
Thanks for the comment, Carrie and for making me feel better about my careless blunder!
My sister did something similar to a fish before. It was a goldfish she had won at some carnival. She went to clean the tank out and thought she was being helpful by grabbing bottled water rather than the stuff from the tap. Well she grabbed that bottled water from the refrigerator and it killed the fish too. My dad was home when my sister’s pet snake (yes, we had a lot of strange pets) died from mites because of the mulch in the tank. He knew my sister would be an absolute mess, she loved that snake, that he took the day off work and went to every pet store in town and finally found another one that was similar in size and pattern. He told her she couldn’t hold it for a few weeks because of medicine the vet gave it. She still doesn’t know to this day and he said he will tell her when she has to do something similar for her children!
Ah, Stephanie — til this day?!? WOW. The things us rents will do for our kiddos… Your dad is way better than me because I refuse to get another fish! Yet, had my daughter had the freak out I expected her too, a new Mr. Blue Fish would surely be residing here today. 🙂
Was feeling glum until I read this. Thanks for making me laugh!
Oh, yay! I’m glad I helped cheer ya up a bit! 🙂
Cute post. Truth be told I killed a goldfish too when I was in highschool…well rather was less than smart and had a cat in the house and an open door to the bedroom where the fish was and well…the rest was history. I can appreciate your lessons learned though. You’re human.
Thanks, Kamira. I am glad that you enjoyed it and could relate!
When my daughter was 10, we woke up one morning and could not FIND her fish. We knew it couldn’t disappear and finally found it on the carpet, on its side. The fish committed suicide. You think you felt guilty!!! I had to accept the fact that I was a terrible gramma to her fish and I let him die.
BAHAHAHA! Carol! I shouldn’t be laughing though, right?!?! OMGoodness! This made me chuckle and smile! Isn’t that bad though?!?! Well, even though your comment making me laugh probably makes me a horrible human being (or maybe just not a fish lover) I very much appreciate you taking the time to read and comment!
When my kids were still quite young, hubby brought them back from the semi-annual sidewalk sale with – of all things – free goldfish. Those few little fishies led to the purchase of a tank, a motorized filter, and a bunch of stuff to put down in the tank. I think the fish lasted about a month before we managed to kill them all off, so I can completely identify with your experience!
Glad you could identify Kyla! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment! 🙂
Thanks for sharing your experience, it’s very reassuring to the rest of us Mums who eff things up all the time!
Anytime, Melitta. I regularly eff up and I regularly write about my eff ups, so I do hope you keep reading and enjoying!
May Blue fish Rest In Peace xx
Thank you for your condolences.
I loved this and I love that it was funny but serious as well I’m pretty sure Mr Fish himself would have loved this post. I loved how honest and open and real you were about what happened because these things do happen more often than most care to admit.
Keziah, the fact that you think Mr. Fish would have loved this post makes me feel less guilty about killing him. 🙂 I hope you are right!
Thank you for the laugh and real moment!
Woohoo! Anytime. I am glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for taking the time to comment. 🙂
I’m impressed. I’ve been trying to kill my daughter’s fish for 17 months now. No luck, Pepper Jack has a will to live that defies logic. My daughter is 12, she lost interest in that fish 3 days after she got it. Now no one has responsibility to feed the fish so we all sprinkle some flakes in with the assumption that no one else has fed it…..it’s still alive, don’t judge. I tell people not to bring me plants because I don’t want to be responsible for its unfortunate and highly likely demise once it passes our threshold. So yes, this resonated with me. Virtual fist pump.
Hi Nicole,
I really enjoyed your article. The headline sounded funny so I clicked. The post was written funny as well.
In all seriousness, I say you should get another fish. You should show your kids and yourself that when you fall off a horse you get back on. Janice
Hi Janice! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment! I am so glad that the headline caught your attention and that you found the post to be an enjoyable read. Maybe we will get another fish, but likely not. My son recently told me he wants a lizard. I told him Daddy will have to help with with that pet. LOL.
I remember how awful I felt when my daughter’s fish committed suicide — jumped out of the bowl and was on the floor the next morning. Of course, having a celebration of life helped!
Carol…you have my sympathies…to have jumped out of his bowl…I can’t even… Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! 🙂