I want my husband to fight with me.
Now before you get your panties in a wad or jump to any conclusions, I in no way, shape, or form condone abuse of any kind; not physical or emotional. So, for those that are quick to react — just relax, that is not what we are talking about here.
Anyone that is or has been married, or in the same relationship for numerous years, knows that love and partnerships are just plain hard. They are hard on your ego, they are hard on your bank account, they are hard on your emotions, they are hard on your esteem, they are hard when you have kids, they are JUST. PLAIN. HARD.
Some would say that they shouldn’t be though, right? Some would contest that if you were in a good relationship or the right relationship, then it shouldn’t be so damn hard. But THEY. ARE. WRONG.
My husband and I are right together, but guess what? We fight a lot. We fight about how I load the dishwasher, and how I always leave clothes in the washing machine and the dryer for days at a time (not proud of that one). We fight about his tone and his tendency to come off as exasperated with me some days.
You see us from afar and you think “they aren’t gonna last”. You sees us and say “they seem so opposite”. You and your boyfriend/girlfriend look at us and silently mumble “see, that’s why I don’t wanna get married”.
Do you know what I say to you all?
That it’s too bad you don’t see or understand that the fact my husband and I fighting is actually a sign that our relationship and our marriage is strong, and that it will last.
I think there is a stigma that marriages are either horrible, restricting, and fake, or that they are perfect. The fact is that neither describes real-life partnerships. Because in reality marriages and long-term relationships are challenging. Yet just as hard as they are, they are equally amazing and life-defining too.
You see, I welcome the disagreements. Okay, admittedly not at the time we are having them, but in general and in retrospect, I am glad that my husband and I bicker. Why, you ask? Well, because it means that we both still care enough about our marriage to put up with the other’s less endearing qualities. Yes, what I am saying is that I want my husband to fight with me, because what worries me more than us fighting, is us not caring enough to want to hash things out.
Now that’s when I’d be really worried…