I’m not doing marriage right.
I’m petty, a pest, and quick to react. I’m boring, a bit selfish, and put my husband second. Not behind me, because I’m not that vain, but behind my children and their needs, that’s for sure.
I don’t always greet him in the morning with a smile or kiss, but then again who wants to talk before coffee and be affectionate before teeth have been brushed — surely not him.
I guess for me, it comes so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day rat race of keeping up with the Joneses (and by that, I mean my house, my children, and the standards set by the general public) that I forget just keeping up at all is simply enough, and actually necessary for the continued success of my marriage.
Thank goodness I am realizing this now.
So no, I have not been doing marriage right. But, then again, why would I?
To be honest, I haven’t done anything in my life exactly right and look how that has worked out for me.
Really damn well.
Sometimes I worry that all of my mistakes — parenting, marital, business-related — make me a less than stellar mom, wife, entrepreneur, and overall person.
But hear this, and maybe get yourself on board with this as well:
While there are numerous famous quotes that in essence state “your mistakes don’t define you,” I am going to respectfully disagree and contend that they surely do, and that YOU CAN BE PROUD OF THAT.
If I didn’t make all the numerous mistakes that I make each and every day I would never learn. I would never change. I would never grow. I would never become aware of the many facets of my personality that I didn’t even realize were there. My husband would never see these things in me either – these changes – and how boring would that be.
I am going to contend that OUR MISTAKES DO DEFINE US and I am going to encourage you to be proud of your mistakes; to own the crap out of them and honor them because your mistakes, each and every one of them, have contributed to the amazing, unique, awesome person that you are today.
And no, I cannot explain how leaving my power-sliding car door open each day defines me, so don’t ask — but I’m sure it does in some way!
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I have actually been thinking about how I don’t do marriage right either! This is so relatable- I need to make more of an effort to treat my husband with the same respect he deserves and not just my partner in this “we are raising a bunch of crazies.”
Hi, Shannon! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment and for sharing with me that I am not alone! I am so glad that you found the piece relatable. You put it so well when you stated that our partners need to be more than just a person we are raising crazies with — well said!
I find it so hard not to obsess over every little thing I do wrong. It’s pretty time-consuming. There are LOTS of things. Thanks for this. You’re not wrong.
Hi, Amelia! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment on the post. I am an obsessor, too. Definitely working on that. I appreciate the support! 🙂
I suck at marriage and being a mom. The last 6 years have been hard, on by the way I’ve been married for 7 years. I married late so I assumed I skipped all the stuff the younger brides deal with because I was 40 when I married. A surprise pregnancy who would later be diagnosed with ADHD, a job a grew to hate, and I husband I blamed for my life sucking. Much to my surprise, he loves me anyway. Things have leveled off a bit because we got the rid of the house that we didn’t love, have money to fix our finances, and just taking a break. I feel less pressure to be perfect. I see a therapist. I still suck as s Mom but I believe that will get better the more I fix what’s wrong on the inside meaning me. Start with the man (woman) in the mirror and make a change. Great post!
Thanks for the thoughtful comment, Bonnie. You stated it very well — it all starts with US. When we are better people as individuals, then we are much more capable of being better spouses, better parents, better everything. 🙂