Mere Mothers and the NFL

You are merely a mother, are you? And if you are anything like me, you have “been waiting all day for Sunday night” (thanks, Carrie Underwood), so that you can take a bath, in private, or have some wine–not to watch football. My bet is that, to you, “fantasy football” is when you fantasize about your imaginary love affair with Tom Brady– not the meticulous building of your football dream team.

Despite the fact that I personally do not know too much about the game of football, I do believe that mothers would make for very good NFL game officials. You see, being a mom is a lot like being an NFL referee. Are you intrigued? Keep reading…

According to the wikiHOW article, “How to Become an NFL Referee,” the following is true of NFL referees:

– An NFL referree must be accurate while millions of people judge their work.

– An NFL referee’s judgment affects teams, audience members and the NFL’s reputation.

– An NFL referee must have “a handle on the game,” as football is a complex sport.

– An NFL referee must demonstrate skills, athleticism and strength of character.

– Other qualities required of NFL referees include the ability to work irregular hours, extensive knowledge of the sport, good communication skills, leadership abilities, the ability to make quick decisions, quick reflexes and being able to pass a psychological examination.

Well, NFL, consider this about us mere mothers:

– We, mothers, are held to such a misplaced, society-imposed, high standard and our “work” is constantly being judged by the disapproving public.

– A mother’s judgment affects her immediate family, her extended family, occasionally surrounding strangers and of course, and unfortunately, her reputation.

– A mother must have a handle on her child/children and their ever-changing personalities, preferences and all their emotional complexities.

– A mother must be skilled at managing the unruly.

– A mother must be athletic enough to keep up with all of her children’s activities.

– A mother must find within herself enough strength to do her job day after day, after day, after day.

– A mother very regularly works irregular hours. I don’t think I’ve worked regular hours for the past five years and won’t for at least another five.

– A mother is constantly trying to increase her parenting knowledge by way of observation, conversation or by self-education.

– A mother, by nature, is a leader–whose leadership is not a mark of her position, but itself is an action and actually requires her to be a constant example for her children. And being an example all the time can be extremely tiring!

– A mother has the uncanny ability to make fast decisions based on the deliberate need to keep “the well-oiled family machine” running.

– A mother has reflexes like a cat. On “Any Given Sunday” (like that reference, Al Pacino?) or any day for that matter, a mother can catch her child’s vomit, while holding the dog’s leash and the baby, and still manage not to spill her coffee. Impressive, right?

National Football League, you must be able to see the similarities!

The only thing I cannot state is that we, mere mothers, could pass a psych exam. Lord knows that a trip to the local psych ward is a welcome vacation for mere mothers. Like, the mother who spends 90% of her time putting other people’s crap away and the other 10% trying to put pants on a runaway toddler, while ensuring said toddler does not chokehold the one-year-old baby, as the older child cries because her mere mother did not wash her favorite leggings and now she has to wear one of her other two of the SAME pair to school…Wow, yes that was a run-on sentence, but doesn’t life as a mere mother seem like one big run-on sentence? “Hi! I would like to book a summer-long stay here at the local insane asylum, please!”

Okay, back to the football analogies. So when you moms out there are dealing with the next “family foul,” remember that, like football, parenting is high-pressure and also requires a balance of you playing both offense and defense, both for and with the kiddies and the hubby. Further, consider that in football, many rules exist that regulate equality, safety, contact, and actions of players on each team; the same is true for your “team”. Thats right, this is YOUR team. The next time your family Gronk (for me, thats my 3 year old) commits a penalty, remember that NFL officiants call the game based on the mantra that “the penalty must fit the crime”. Us, mothers, need to make sure that we maintain a balance between following the rules and keeping a good flow going. One thing we know for sure is that your little players, and lets be real here, the BIG player as well (yes, hubby, I am talking about you) are constantly looking for ways to find an advantage that stretches the limitations imposed by your rules.

I’ll leave you with a way to look at this whole parenting thing like an NFL official might:

“If you were going to write a 10-chapter book about what it’s like to be an official in the NFL, the first nine chapters would deal with preparation. The last chapter would deal with the game.” – Jerry Seeman, NFL Senior Director of Officiating, 1991–2001

In officiating, you learn tricks of the trade; just as in parenting. There is no secret to being a great parent. It is the result of consistent preparation, hard work and learning from your mistakes.

Play on mere mothers, play on.

#nowifonlymeremothersgotpaidlikenflofficiants