‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Daddy kept trying to pull down Mommy’s blouse.
Mommy kept evading him and wrapping presents with care,
Daddy help wrap a present? He wouldn’t dare.
The children who never stay in their beds,
Were carried downstairs while Daddy hid their heads.
Mommy was exhausted from all the holiday crap,
But Daddy and the kids are the only ones who get to nap.
When all of a sudden arose such a clatter (crash),
Daddy spilled his cocktail and Mommy nervously yelled “What’s the matter!?”
When, what to her wondering eyes did appear,
broken glass, woken kids, and now…Mommy…in tears.
Away to her bedroom she flew like a flash,
Got all the kiddies back to bed and back to her wrapping in a dash.
Daddy with a new drink now had a glow,
And Mommy was reminded that she must let sh#t flow.
When what to her wondering eyes did appear,
Daddy with some wine to bring her some cheer.
With a big ole’ gulp, so yummy and quick,
Mommy really started to feel the joy of playing St. Nick.
More rapidly than expected the morning soon came,
And before she knew it the kids were screaming her name:
Now, Mommy! Now Mommy! Now Mommy and Daddy!
On, Mommy! On Mommy! On Mommy and Daddy!
From the bedroom to the living room wall,
Dash there Mom, dash there Daddy, Dash away all!
As she roll about in bed and off her kids fly,
Time to rouse Daddy, she has the kids help her try.
So out to the living room the doggies come too,
Presents are everywhere wrapped in silver, red, and blue.
And then in a twinkling Mommy heard a little poof,
It was a doggy toot that she touted as a reindeer hoof.
The kids all wide-eyed with smiles around,
Truly believed it to be the reindeers leaving in a bound.