Ten Harmless, Yet Hilarious Lies I Tell My Children

Lying. It is so bad. And, in all honesty, I am vehemently against it. I’m a bad liar, too, so maybe that’s why. Still, we all do it. I do it everyday, ugh, and I hate myself because of it.

Well, kind of…but not enough to stop. But, why? Well, because truth is (pun intended), there are just some harmless, yet hilarious lies that you have to tell your children so that you can get through the day unscathed.

I’m not referring to telling my kids big lies, but yes, little white lies. I tell them all the time. Think about it. Think about what we tell ourselves and other people all day long. “Yes, you look great!” “No, the meat wasn’t over cooked–dinner was great!” “I don’t have the time to workout”. “Yea, I’m fine”. I know you guys are familiar with these, so please don’t pretend that you are perfect and never lie.

You are probably wondering what ARE the lies that I tell my children. I don’t lie to them to hurt them and I don’t lie to them about anything truly serious, but I do lie to them to keep our day moving along.

Here is a compilation of the top ten harmless, yet hilarious lies I tell them:

1. “If you use your hand to hit/pinch/hurt anyone in a negative way again, I will have the doctor chop your hand off.”
2. “If you bite your sister one more time, then the next time we go to the dentist, I am going to tell him you are using your teeth for biting, not eating, and for him to take your teeth out.”
3. “If you don’t hurry up, we are going to be late.” (This is said when we still have plenty of time to get where we need to go, of course).
4. “If you don’t start behaving, I am going to call Santa”. (This is of course when we use my husband’s Santa app and have Santa tell the kids that that he heard they haven’t been behaving. I know — we are mean).
5. “If you don’t stop [annoying habit] then you are not going to be allowed to have a birthday and turn [whatever age they are turning next]”.
6. “If you don’t brush your teeth, then they are all going fall out”.
7. “If you eat your boogers then they will go into your belly and turn into worms. Do you want worms in your belly?”
8. “That toy is not working and I don’t have more batteries.” (Of course, it is in working condition).
9. “I don’t know why.” (This is used when I do know why, but the explanation will take too long and only encourage more questions which I don’t have time for, of course).
10. “Yes, we are almost there.” (Said in response to every single time inquiry from the kids on long trips).

So you probably think that I am mean now and I probably lost good parenting points with the general public for sharing these, but I have to admit, when I say them out loud, I still internally chuckle.

I know I love my kids and my kids know that I love them and these little white lies aren’t hurting anybody. If and when they start to, I will stop. Either then or when the kiddies catch on to my scheme and my almost six-year old is almost there.

But, it totally genuineness, I know that I should cut back on these white lies, especially since I don’t want them to believe that lying is an acceptable behavior. They are learning by my example and when they realize that Mommy has been misbehaving a little, they may take that as their green light to deter from truth.

What are your thoughts on the white lies we tell our children? I guess, overall, my opinion is that you should try to keep them to a minimum and if you are going to use them, make sure they are so far-fetched that you can always use the excuse that you didn’t think really believed you, right?

Your thoughts?