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Home » Raising Kids » The Importance of Letting Your Child Develop Interests Organically

05/16/2017 13 Comments

The Importance of Letting Your Child Develop Interests Organically

You played soccer, so you want your child to play and enjoy soccer. You were in the school band, so you want your child to try-out for it to. Maybe you never pursued your long-lost dream to be performing on Broadway, so you enroll your child in every theatre class around hoping that she can make your dream her reality.

It is so easy for us as parents to try to control our children. We, sometimes purposefully and sometimes unknowingly, push our thoughts, opinions, desires, etc. on to our children. Sometimes being a parent makes you feel “stuck,” and by pushing your child in a certain direction that you desire them to go, it makes you feel unstuck.

Yes…you ARE pushing your child, whether you want to acknowledge it or not. Unfortunately, more often than not, pushing our children is ineffective and can actually backfire. The belief us “pushers” have, is that we feel, that if we push and “direct” our children enough, we might in turn raise children with great talents and assured futures. The incorrect belief here is that our children need us to push them to be a great talent and have a great future — they actually don’t.

An old New York Times article referenced a woman names Diana Baumrind, a Clinical and Developmental Psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley, at the time, who contended that her research studies found that “the optimal parent is one who is involved and responsive and who sets high expectations, but still respects her child’s autonomy”.

Autonomy. This is so very important for our children. Sue Grossman, author of an article titled, “Offering Children Choices: Encouraging Autonomy and Learning While Minimizing Conflicts” affirmed “that giving children choices throughout the day is beneficial, even crucial to their development”. The article went on to describe how children, whose autonomy has been encouraged, feel in control over themselves. Additionally, they have a good sense of self-esteem, strong cognitive development skills and strong morals/principles. They are also good at accepting responsibility, minimizing conflict and are committed to learning.

So, how do we foster our children’s independence? By letting them develop their interests organically. By not pushing them to do things that they don’t want to do and/or are not excited about trying. We stop forcing our agenda onto them. 

When you let your child’s interest for things and activities develop organically, you are telling them that they are powerful and intelligent. You are giving them the confidence and space they need to feel secure enough to explore the world around them and to find what makes them happy and inspires them. They will be self-motivated and not merely motivated by the opportunity to please you.

Here are the ways in which you can let your child’s interests develop in an organic, unforced way:

— Let your child guide you instead of you guiding them.

— Pay attention to whether your child is showing you that they are more of a visual, auditory, or kinesthetic learner.

— Talk to your child about their likes and dislikes.

— Talk to your child about what makes them happy and what scares them.

— Praise your child for things she does well and praise your child for trying new things.

— Praise your child for putting forth effort with challenging tasks

— Help to logistically facilitate extra-curricular activities and social opportunities, that your child wants to do, and that build on your child’s strengths and interests.

— If your child is not sure what interests her, take your child to the library and help her select books or articles about different topics of interest.

— Let your child teach or show you something he is good at or proud of.

— Make time to provide your child with opportunities to explore different, even some out-of-the-box areas of interest.

— Motivate your child to stay engaged in an interest for a little bit longer, but do not force them if they seem “over it”.

—  Instead of you coming up with an activity or pointing out a possible interest, stop and wait to see what your child is already doing first; abandon your own idea and meet them where they are already engaged.

— Take note of which activities make your child smile and laugh and do more of those.

— Pay attention to what gets and keeps your child’s attention and find activities that are in a similar realm and can do the same for them.

Overall, what is most important is that we, as parents, stop worrying about our children’s future, and stop rushing it as well.  We all want to provide our kids with the best chances for success. However, we need to realize that this holy grail of “success” is really just our kids being happy and doing what interests them — there is no goal that they need or should reach.

We need to stop treating our kids as little-adults and let them grow up in a slower, more harmonious, peaceful and natural way. We need to stop forcing an organized activity schedule and allow for more free time, relaxation and play — or at least maintain a better balance. We need to stop confusing and/or transferring  our own passion into child’s passion and alternatively, only encourage our child to do what she wants to do.

“I don’t want my child to follow in my footsteps, I want them to take the divergent path next to me and go further than I could have ever dreamt possible.” —  Author Unknown

 

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Filed Under: Raising Kids

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Hot Off The Mat says

    05/16/2017 at 8:43 am

    This is great advice. Thanks for the specific action steps to take.

    Reply
    • jthreenmeblog says

      05/16/2017 at 8:54 am

      Thank you so much for the comment and for the kind words! Your comment is super appreciated! 🙂

      Reply
  2. Lauren C. Moye says

    05/16/2017 at 9:35 am

    Love it! You did a great job incorporating expert studies into this post and I will definitely be sharing this one in the future.

    Reply
    • jthreenmeblog says

      05/16/2017 at 9:38 am

      Thank you Lauren! I love your site as well! 🙂

      Reply
  3. Lisa says

    05/16/2017 at 7:30 pm

    Great info! As a child therapist, I appreciate your approach to parenting. http://www.happymindhappyhome.com

    Reply
    • jthreenmeblog says

      05/16/2017 at 7:37 pm

      Thanks so much for the comment Lisa and for the kind words! You have no idea how appreciative I am of your words and to know that someone in the field of child psychology actually thinks I am doing a good job. I try hard to do right by my kiddos, but I make tons of mistakes and am so far from perfect..but I’m always working on getting better!! Truly thanks for the comment! 🙂

      Reply
  4. everythingpreciousblog says

    05/22/2017 at 11:28 am

    Great info and insight!

    Reply
    • jthreenmeblog says

      05/22/2017 at 2:04 pm

      Thank u very much for the comment and kind words!

      Reply
  5. Jamie says

    05/23/2017 at 5:12 pm

    Great article and very true.

    My oldest loves to dance. When she was two, I signed her up for dance classes. During the first class, she cried, didn’t want to leave my side and asked to leave. We tried a second class and it was the same thing. As we were leaving, a parent said to me, “Just keep bringing her and she will learn to love it.” I said to her, “She’s two and dance class is an option, not a requirement. She does not NEED to learn to love it.”

    As a dancer, I was disappointed, but it’s more important that she’s happy and enjoying her activities.

    Reply
    • jthreenmeblog says

      05/23/2017 at 10:00 pm

      Thanks so much for the comment and kind words, Jamie! What’s most impressive and admiraable about what you said is that you knew and spoke about her not needing to like it–that you weren’t going to force it on her. Not many parents would have handled that like you, so bravo to you momma!! Thank u again for commenting! 🙂

      Reply
  6. Amanda says

    09/30/2017 at 12:18 pm

    Agree. I would like my kids to be involved in something. Whether it’s sports, music, theater, whatever. I just don’t want them doing nothing. My daughter did dance & soccer. Then she wanted to try piano. So she had to let something go, which was dance(her choice). So she now does soccer and piano, she loves both. My son did Tball 1 season, Which he DID NOT like (neither did we), so next season he tried soccer, which he loves. So for now we are soccer people! I ask about basketball & other sports, for now it’s a no. We ask our son about an instrument once in awhile, but I don’t think he’s into music like his sister. I’m just glad they tried things & found something they enjoy. Good read. 😊

    Reply
    • jthreeNMe says

      10/01/2017 at 7:34 pm

      Thanks for commenting, Amanda. I think along the same line as you — I want my kids active — physically and mentally. I don’t want to raise couch potatoes and I at least want them to branch out and try different things. Yet, I will not push them into something they will not enjoy. I will encourage them to be brave and to give each activity a fair chance, but at a certain point, I trust that they know best about what they find enjoyment in. 🙂

      Reply
  7. Tom says

    01/27/2019 at 8:12 pm

    Great article, thank you for your thoughts. We have two kids, and I often have to fight the urge to encourage them to do things I wanted to do. We let them try out too many things, hoping that they will pick something later.

    Reply

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