You Know You’re A Mom If…

“A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pebble on the road.” Henry Ward Beecher

You know you’re a Mom if your attempt to teach your children fiscal responsibility and resourcefulness involves you drawing toe puppets on their feet instead of buying them actual finger puppets.

You know you’re a Mom if you are capable of using the potty while still wearing your baby inside of your Baby Bjorn.

You know you’re a Mom if you say the word “potty” when referencing the toilet — even when amongst adults.

You know you’re a Mom if you have come to realize that you will NEVER drink a full cup of hot coffee ever again (unless your children are at grandma’s house).

You know you’re a Mom if you haven’t showered…in a day…or in peace…or by yourself…or without a single interruption…or without thoughts of your children or your to-do-list running through your mind since the day they were born.

You know you’re a Mom if you forget what your real name is because all you ever hear is “Mom,” Mommy,’ “Momma” or “Moooooooooommmmmm!!!!!”

You know you’re a Mom if you turn so rapidly that you almost get whiplash each and every time you hear a cry for “Mom”, even when it is not your child.

You know you’re a Mom if your clothes are covered in snot from being used as a boogey wipe…and you are completely fine with it.

You know you’re a Mom if you crave some personal time, but feel guilty whenever you take it.

You know you’re a Mom if doing the dishes alone, or even shaving one leg feels like personal time.

You know you’re a Mom if you prepare for every outing by making your diaper bag into a Mary Poppins bag; having every single item that you could possibly need for every possible scenario that could possibly occur with three children ages six and under.  (That’s tiring just talking about it, eh?)

You know you’re a Mom if you take your diaper bag with you on date night because you don’t own a “real” purse anymore.

You know you’re a Mom if your ideal date night involves your pajamas, the couch, a gluttonous amount of food, and enough alcohol to make you forget that you are a responsible parent.

You know you’re a Mom if your “word of the day,” everyday, is “No”.

You know you’re a Mom if 99% of your children’s words is a whined and elongated “Nooooooo”.

You know you’re a Mom if you can do each and every skill you have with your non-dominant hand because you darn well have to when the baby won’t let you put her down.

You know you’re a Mom if you can slam the pantry door with your hip, close the oven with a swift kick of the foot, and pick up dropped socks with your toes. (Uhh…I hope that last one is not just me!)

You know you’re a Mom if you use baby wipes to clean up absolutely everything — and I mean EVERYTHING. (This Momma ain’t never met a baby wipe she didn’t like.)

You know you’re a Mom if you have a constant feeling that you are screwing up at motherhood.

You know you’re a Mom if you are actually screwing up motherhood on occasion. (Don’t worry — they will turn out just fine.)

You know you’re a Mom if the messy top-knot is your hairstyle of choice, every single day.

You know you’re a Mom if you wear the top-knot because you often forget about your own self-care and that thing called hair-washing.

You know you’re a Mom if poop and vomit doesn’t gross you out.

You know you’re a Mom if you don’t think it’s awkward to smell your children…for poop or vomit…all of the time…in any place.

You know you’re a Mom if two hours of undisturbed sleep makes you feel like a new, well-rested woman.

You know you’re a Mom if you sway while waiting in any line, even when you are not pregnant or holding a child.

You know you’re a Mom if your shopping cart on any given Thursday contains wine — at least two bottles.

You know you’re a Mom if you forget to turn off your kid’s music when they leave the car, and you continue to jam out until you awkwardly realize that you no longer have to be listening to it.

You know you’re a Mom if going to “Club Bed” with “DJ Nighty-Nighty” is your idea of a good time on a weekend night.

Have some hilarious ones of your own? Please share them, and let us all share a laugh along with you; sometimes it’s the only thing that gets us through the day!

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