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Home » Raising Kids » You Know You’re A Mom If…

09/14/2017 14 Comments

You Know You’re A Mom If…

“A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pebble on the road.” Henry Ward Beecher

You know you’re a Mom if your attempt to teach your children fiscal responsibility and resourcefulness involves you drawing toe puppets on their feet instead of buying them actual finger puppets.

You know you’re a Mom if you are capable of using the potty while still wearing your baby inside of your Baby Bjorn.

You know you’re a Mom if you say the word “potty” when referencing the toilet — even when amongst adults.

You know you’re a Mom if you have come to realize that you will NEVER drink a full cup of hot coffee ever again (unless your children are at grandma’s house).

You know you’re a Mom if you haven’t showered…in a day…or in peace…or by yourself…or without a single interruption…or without thoughts of your children or your to-do-list running through your mind since the day they were born.

You know you’re a Mom if you forget what your real name is because all you ever hear is “Mom,” Mommy,’ “Momma” or “Moooooooooommmmmm!!!!!”

You know you’re a Mom if you turn so rapidly that you almost get whiplash each and every time you hear a cry for “Mom”, even when it is not your child.

You know you’re a Mom if your clothes are covered in snot from being used as a boogey wipe…and you are completely fine with it.

You know you’re a Mom if you crave some personal time, but feel guilty whenever you take it.

You know you’re a Mom if doing the dishes alone, or even shaving one leg feels like personal time.

You know you’re a Mom if you prepare for every outing by making your diaper bag into a Mary Poppins bag; having every single item that you could possibly need for every possible scenario that could possibly occur with three children ages six and under.  (That’s tiring just talking about it, eh?)

You know you’re a Mom if you take your diaper bag with you on date night because you don’t own a “real” purse anymore.

You know you’re a Mom if your ideal date night involves your pajamas, the couch, a gluttonous amount of food, and enough alcohol to make you forget that you are a responsible parent.

You know you’re a Mom if your “word of the day,” everyday, is “No”.

You know you’re a Mom if 99% of your children’s words is a whined and elongated “Nooooooo”.

You know you’re a Mom if you can do each and every skill you have with your non-dominant hand because you darn well have to when the baby won’t let you put her down.

You know you’re a Mom if you can slam the pantry door with your hip, close the oven with a swift kick of the foot, and pick up dropped socks with your toes. (Uhh…I hope that last one is not just me!)

You know you’re a Mom if you use baby wipes to clean up absolutely everything — and I mean EVERYTHING. (This Momma ain’t never met a baby wipe she didn’t like.)

You know you’re a Mom if you have a constant feeling that you are screwing up at motherhood.

You know you’re a Mom if you are actually screwing up motherhood on occasion. (Don’t worry — they will turn out just fine.)

You know you’re a Mom if the messy top-knot is your hairstyle of choice, every single day.

You know you’re a Mom if you wear the top-knot because you often forget about your own self-care and that thing called hair-washing.

You know you’re a Mom if poop and vomit doesn’t gross you out.

You know you’re a Mom if you don’t think it’s awkward to smell your children…for poop or vomit…all of the time…in any place.

You know you’re a Mom if two hours of undisturbed sleep makes you feel like a new, well-rested woman.

You know you’re a Mom if you sway while waiting in any line, even when you are not pregnant or holding a child.

You know you’re a Mom if your shopping cart on any given Thursday contains wine — at least two bottles.

You know you’re a Mom if you forget to turn off your kid’s music when they leave the car, and you continue to jam out until you awkwardly realize that you no longer have to be listening to it.

You know you’re a Mom if going to “Club Bed” with “DJ Nighty-Nighty” is your idea of a good time on a weekend night.

Have some hilarious ones of your own? Please share them, and let us all share a laugh along with you; sometimes it’s the only thing that gets us through the day!

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Filed Under: Raising Kids Tagged With: inspirational motherhood, jokes, mom, mom humor, motherhood, motherhood humor, mothering, parenting, parenting humor, parenting jokes, raising kids

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Summer says

    09/14/2017 at 9:52 am

    Love it! I totally did the potty reference when we were at the fair. I asked someone if they knew where the potty was. No kids were with me and the poor man just chuckled and pointed my in the right direction. It took me a minute to figure out why he found it humorous.

    Reply
    • jthreeNMe says

      09/14/2017 at 9:55 am

      Hi, Summer! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I am SO GUILTY of saying “I have to go potty” even when my husband and I are out with friends or on a date. It is so embarrassing, LOL! 🙂 I am glad I am not alone!

      Reply
  2. Sara says

    09/14/2017 at 10:05 am

    Love this! Just went on a trip where I wiped my daughter’s snot on my jeans after the last Boogie Wipe was gone and got some disgusting looks. I also had to stop at a Ross on the way to my cousin’s wedding because I was wearing a floor length gown and realized I had a huge diaper bag. Where do all the purses go?

    Reply
    • jthreeNMe says

      09/14/2017 at 10:26 am

      Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment, Sara! I so appreciate your enjoyment of this and I am so glad you feel me on these!! 🙂

      Reply
  3. Abbi | Successful Freelance Mom says

    09/14/2017 at 10:17 am

    HA! I laughed out loud at a bunch of these. And yes, I pick up dropped socks (and other things) with my toes. 🙂

    Reply
    • jthreeNMe says

      09/14/2017 at 10:27 am

      Thanks for commenting, Abbi and I am so glad that you find these relatable. My husband cannot get over the fact that I use my toes regularly to pick things up, but sometimes, with a 25 lb baby on hip, there is only so many times I can bend down. LOL! 🙂

      Reply
  4. Joan says

    09/14/2017 at 11:57 am

    Really loved this, my shirt is always full of stains and doesn’t even bother me and the sight of poop nowadays makes me clap that someone actually had a bowel movement before school. Wine anytime of the week has become a necessity and I will not feel guilty.

    Reply
    • jthreeNMe says

      09/14/2017 at 9:13 pm

      Thank you so very much for taking the time to read and comment, Joan and I so appreciate your brutal honesty and acceptance of all parts of motherhood! Enjoy your wine! 🙂

      Reply
  5. Lyndsey says

    09/15/2017 at 6:56 am

    Love this! So important to find the humour in the everyday moments and you’ve done a lovely job of highlighting it. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • jthreeNMe says

      09/16/2017 at 4:38 pm

      Thanks so much, Lyndsey! I am so glad that you enjoyed this! 🙂

      Reply
  6. melissa Steindl says

    09/15/2017 at 1:24 pm

    Love it! Also, when you forget that Babe is your husband and Baby is your baby. There have been many times hubs has corrected me to say he is not Baby….

    Reply
    • jthreeNMe says

      09/16/2017 at 4:37 pm

      Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, Melissa! I am so glad that you enjoyed this post and found it relatable. How about you know your a mom if you still call your husband “Daddy” when out on a date with him, LOL!! 🙂

      Reply
  7. Emily | The Multitasking Mom says

    09/19/2017 at 12:47 pm

    Love this! I always say I have to go potty. I just assume people know I have kids and they accept that. I also clean everything with baby wipes!!

    Reply
    • jthreeNMe says

      09/19/2017 at 9:17 pm

      Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment, Emily. I am so glad that you found this relatable and enjoyable! 🙂

      Reply

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